Well, here we are at Ployer’s house, and if you’ve read my previous post, you can probably hazard a guess as to how this all went down. From his corpse, we loot a lock of Jaheira’s hair…which is apparently enough to undo the curse in and of itself.
I don’t really understand that. Sure, it was what was used to curse her in the first place and now we have it back, but doesn’t the curse itself still have to be removed? I mean, wouldn’t we need the mages for that?
I also find it extremely creepy that Ployer was holding on to a lock of Jaheira’s hair all this time. You might argue that he only had it for the purposes of the curse, but I don’t think that’s the case. Think about it; Ployer didn’t have any reason to hold a grudge against Jaheira until she busted him and the government seized all his assets, and the conversation they have when they meet in the bar suggests that they haven’t encountered each other since that event, and that it’s been quite a long time.
It stands to reason, then, that Ployer had the hair long before Jaheira actually crossed him, and it was just by chance that he realised he could use it to curse her afterwards. It’s OBVIOUS that he was a disgusting lech, which makes us all the more justified in having him killed. What kind of slimeball do you have to be to obsessively hold on to a lock of someone’s hair for years? Not like Vespero. He just does what any gentleman would and steals her underwear.
Anyway, that’s all sorted out now, although we do have to go and rest for a full twenty-four hours before the curse actually goes away, as if this whole affair hasn’t inconvenienced us enough. Still, we might as well sort out Keldorn’s family troubles before we do.
God help the poor man who ends up with Vespero as his marriage counsellor, is all I can say.
That, however, is for another time and another update. Tune in next time when Vespero takes on the role of Dr. Phil, mending the shattered relationships of the Firecam family with pseudo-psychological nonsense.
And magic.
This is Lorph Halys, and you’ve been reading Baldur’s Gate: The Zero Reload Saga. Thank you, and goodnight.
Ah, bugrit. I forgot that coming here would trigger Keldorn’s side-quest. We’ll get that out of the way as soon as we’re done here, although why Keldorn would want to invite a rampaging psychopath like Vespero into his household and anywhere near his loved ones, particularly his two young daughters, is beyond me. I’m starting to think that he actually doesn’t like his family all that much and that the whole “Obligations as a paladin” thing is just a convenient excuse to avoid them. Perhaps if Vespero WERE to kill them all in a wild fit of bloodlust, Keldorn would be happy to say no more about it and let us continue on our way.
…well, OK. Having experimented with this in the past, I can confirm that this isn’t actually the case. Keldorn does immediately turn hostile if you attack anyone in his house, although the line he speaks when he does so doesn’t indicate any real distress on his part. It’s basically just “Well shit, now I have to kill you.” Interestingly, though, since you have full control of Keldorn right up until he actually leaves the party, it is entirely possible to have him stroll up and carve his own little daughter into deli meat, all whilst bellowing “For right and honor!”
As DELIGHTFULLY twisted as this is, however, we do actually want to use him throughout the game, so it is with great sorrow that we must allow this wonderful opportunity to pass us by. Therefore, it’s off to the council building to talk to Corneil, who, like every Cowled Wizard in the game, is completely unhelpful.
However, doing this prompts the sudden appearance of just the man we are looking for; the man in charge of the mages, simply known as Terrece. He informs us that he’d be willing to not come to Baron Ployer’s defence when we do manage to track him down, in exchange for a suitable fee. The wheels in Vespero’s head start a-turnin’, and as always, in just a few seconds, he is able to come up with the most elegant and practical solution available for the situation at hand.
Violence.
You see, Terrece, like Lehtinan, is one of those characters that you can strike dead in broad daylight without anyone caring. What we do, therefore, is quite simple. We one-up his offer and ask him to have his group turn on Ployer directly, which he accepts, (in exchange for a higher fee) then we immediately kill him and loot the corpse, allowing us not only to earn the extra XP from the sneaky dealings, but also the XP we’d get for killing Terrece had we fought him directly, the gold we paid him, AND the magical items he was carrying. Also, because the developers didn’t take into account that you might do this, he’ll still turn up at Ployer’s house alive and well to dispatch him without you having to lift a finger.
You really couldn’t ask for a better outcome. Having the chance to indulge in a brilliantly outrageous and amoral scheme like this almost takes the sting off not being able to make Keldorn butcher his family just because the anonymous voice in his head told him to.
Almost.
When we arrive, Bernard worriedly comments that Jaheira looks “about ninety” due to the curse. The thing is, I’m not entirely sure how bad this is. She’s a half-elf, after all, so she ages a lot slower than a human does. Wouldn’t ninety to a half-elf be something like thirty to a human? What’s the big deal here?
Well, anyway. As per usual, we find out that Belgrade is, in fact, dead. Told you this was pointless. However, handing Shazzellim over definitely turns out to be worth the effort, since there’s a 3000 gold reward for it. Sweet. Who needs the scimitar? We can buy all kinds of Harper-slaying gear with that kind of money!
Of course, given that Bernard has something like three hit points, anyone who happens to be looking to get their hands on the sword now has a golden opportunity to pilfer it off the corpse of a weedy bartender, rather than first having to contend with a battle-hardened group of adventurers led by a demigod.
But hey, Jaheira, you know best, I’m sure. If some Harper-hating mercenary manages to get a hold of it and shiv you in the gut while you sleep, none of us will hold it against you.
To be fair, though, I suppose I can’t really blame you for not wanting to let someone like Vespero go around carrying a weapon that is designed to kill you, specifically. Especially not if you’re going to be travelling with him every day. He’d probably cut your head off with it just to see if it really worked or not.
With that out of the way, we’ll now be heading straight to the Government district to track down those damned mages and make them pay for crossing us, for their misdeeds in general, for being yet another group of spellcasters that the Cowled Wizards pointedly ignores in favour of descending upon us in all their fury for so much as casting Infravision, and for their awful fashion sense.
They’ve got a lot to answer for.
“WAAAHHH HOW DARE YOU LEGITIMATELY CONVICT ME FOR A CRIME OF WHICH I AM ENTIRELY GUILTY.”
Baron Ployer in a nutshell.
Seems that Jaheira and the Harpers busted this man in the past for dealing with slaves, and now he’s slumming it with the peasant population of Athkatla. Rather than using what remains of his fortune to, I don’t know, start a business or keep himself supplied while he finds an actual job, he instead decided to commission a group of mercenary mages to place a curse of death upon Jaheira out of a petty desire for vengeance.
Chalk up another notch for the “Stupid Evil” crowd.
This quest is interesting in that it’s impossible to complete easily without making use of out-of-game knowledge. As you might expect, you have to hunt down Mr. Ployer to get the curse removed, and there are certain leads you can follow to that end, but ultimately, all you end up discovering is that he’s “somewhere in the Slums”, which isn’t particularly helpful.
Luckily for you, however, if you check your map, you’ll notice that his house is quite clearly marked. Otherwise you could well end up having to spend many tedious hours trying to turn up some kind of clue only to have Jaheira shrivel up like a sultana and die, undoing all your efforts. I don’t know how long that actually takes to happen, mind you, nor do I plan on finding out. Maybe if I ever do a "Many Reload Saga" we'll give it a shot.
So, the outcome of all this is that Jaheira wants us to go to the Copper Coronet in search of a merchant named Belgrade; which, incidentally, is also the name of the capital of Serbia. Isn’t that interesting?
Normally I wouldn’t bother with this part of the quest. After all, it serves no real purpose other than to keep Jaheira happy, and what has she done for us lately? You know, aside from aiding us with invaluable buffing spells, patching up everyone’s wounds and bravely holding the front lines of battle along with Korgan. Not a damn thing, that’s what.
However, in this particular case, we need to go and see Bernard anyway since he’s the only one in town that can properly dispose of Shazzellim, so we might as well drop it off with him now. Consider yourself lucky, druid.
Aaaand there’s Jaheira’s complaint, about Shazzellim, right on cue. You can argue that you want to keep it, but ultimately, refusing to get rid of it makes her turn against you, so as satisfying as it would be to tell her to sit and spin on the damn scimitar, we’re just going to have to do what she says. Apparently if we take it to Bernard in the Copper Coronet, he should be able to use his extensive network of contacts to find someone who can destroy it for good. Fair enough.
Once we’re done looting the place, we go to talk to Meronia, and as I said earlier, we casually let slip that we’re working for Xzar. Meronia thanks us, whereupon Vespero basically says the following;
“Wait, wait! Are you guys going to kill him? Are you? Huh! I wanna help! I wanna help murder him! BLOOD!”
I’m paraphrasing there, but you get the idea.
Now, considering he was all too willing to give Xzar a hand earlier, you might be confused by this abrupt change of heart. After all, such behaviour is extremely bizarre and fickle.
If so, chances are you only just started reading, because this is pretty much par for the course for Vespero. He’s a wonderful little madman, isn’t he?
We deliver the assassin to Xzar, who proceeds to do her dirty work and then leaves us to our business. From this little jaunt, we got a nice new pair of AC bracers for Jan, and the talkative gnome also managed another level-up, this time in the Thief class. We’re going to sink those extra thieving points into Open Locks and Find Traps. As much as I’d love to boost the Set Traps skill right away, we really need to make sure that we’re ready to deal with any and all traps and locks we come across first.
There’s always the Knock spell, of course, but you don’t get XP for using that, and as I’m sure I’ve pointed out more than once, I am an obsessive XP harvester. OBSESSIVE.
Now, as long as I’m in the Docks, I’m going to go ahead and get the Baron Ployer quest out of the way, because if I don’t do it now then I’m going to forget, stumble into the inn at the wrong time and end up having to traipse all over town to get Jaheira uncursed while I’ve got other obligations. For now, however, I'm signing out. Tune in next time, whenever that may be.
This is Lorph Halys, and you’ve been reading Baldur’s Gate: The Zero Reload Saga. Thank you, and goodnight.
Well, Keldorn still managed to get his slow ass clobbered by the golem even without being paralysed, but we have enough healing spells available to patch him up.
We were able to loot some nifty scrolls from the bodies and the containers in the house; Invisible Stalker and Summon Fire Elemental among them; which Vespero and Jan were thankfully able to scribe without incident. Also, thanks to a component of one of the mods we installed, we also came across the evil scimitar known as Shazzellim.
This sword is specifically designed to kill Harpers. Seriously. Its ability is “any Harper hit by this sword must make a saving throw or die.” I don’t know why you’d need something like that, given that their absurdly roundabout way of accomplishing tasks basically means that they'll never be able to get their act together quickly enough to threaten you, but whatever. We’re not going to be holding on to it for long anyway, since Jaheira’s going to start bitching that we need to destroy it pretty soon, being a Harper herself.
It does make me wonder exactly how strictly it differentiates between Harpers and non-Harpers, though. I mean, presumably, if you were a Harper and you noticed someone coming at you with this sword, you could say "I quit" really quickly and then it wouldn't be any better than all the other scimitars in the world. Or you could just make sure that all Harpers fill in a form of resignation and keep it on their person at all times. Or, hell, just change the name of the organisation. "Oh no, Shazzellim, I'm with the Larpers. The Harpers disbanded a little while ago. Sorry."
Heh. LARPers.
Anyway, this quest is smooth sailing from here; even more so now that we have the Quest Pack installed, because it gives you the option to just tell the lady at the entrance that you’re working for Xzar and she’ll give you the assassin-bird right away.
Of course we’re still going to rob the entire stronghold blind since nobody lifts a finger to stop us, so that doesn’t make a huge difference.
OK, my previous post probably gave the impression that the Harpers were psychotic villains in addition to being stupid. I can assure you, they’re just stupid. The people we’re going to kill are eeeevil wizards in the service of Xzar, you see, which makes it totally OK.
…actually, now that I think about it, I’m not entirely sure about that. They don’t really seem that evil when you confront them. I’d say more “confused”. After all, even though you basically just break into their house and wave weapons in their faces, they seem perfectly willing to converse with you and give you a chance to explain yourself. Right up until they start thinking that Xzar’s going to come back and pull out their toenails if they don't blast you to oblivion, anyway.
BUT THERE’S A FLESH GOLEM AND SOME GHASTS IN THERE WITH THEM THEY MUST BE EVIL.
Anyway, the two mages here aren’t really an issue. Because of the layout, you can pretty much poke your head through the door, wait until they start casting a spell, then leave again so that they lose their target and the spell gets wasted. Rinse and repeat until their arsenal is exhausted and they have to resort to melee attacks. A cheap strategy, I grant you, but these two are sufficiently unhinged that I think it might actually work even without the game engine’s limitations.
No, the real problem in here is the presence of the Ghasts and the Flesh Golem. The golem’s a hard hitter and the Ghasts have a chance to paralyse you if they land a hit (which basically means they will paralyse you if they land a hit because I swear to god this game fudges the dice rolls in its favour so hard). When you’re paralysed, every attack aimed at you hits automatically. And, to reiterate, that golem hits hard. You see the problem.
No big deal, though. Viconia has Remove Paralysis memorised (I like to keep that one handy) and Ghasts don't have a whole lot of hit points, so we should be alright as long as we send our tanks in first.
We now enter into what is possibly the most needlessly elaborate assassination mission ever.
Let me just give you the rundown here. Xzar, whom we spoke to earlier, is a necromancer working with the criminal organisation known as the Zhentarim, making him an enemy of the Harpers. Recently, he’s been manufacturing freakish, undead monstrosities such as flesh golems and ghasts, which he then sells off as bodyguards (I presume) to the highest bidder. The Harpers don’t want that shit going down in Athkatla, so they’ve planned to kill Xzar to put a stop to it.
Simple enough so far, right?
Well, here’s apparently how they planned to do it. You'd think that they could just sneak up on him and plant a poisoned knife in his back, given that he's just standing there in the street with no accomplices and no protection. But oh no. That's not how the Harpers work, you see. They're clever and subtle.
Therefore, what they intend to do is to lure me into their stronghold (possibly by getting one of their friends poisoned and leaving them for me to find) and wait for me to break into the room that they expressly tell me not to enter on numerous occasions because it's too dangerous. Once I'm up there, the plan relies on me going into their aviary for no reason, stuffing some random bird into my pack just because it decides to settle in my hand, going back outside and bringing the bird to Xzar just on the off chance that it happens to be a polymorphed halfling thief. Xzar is then supposed to dispel the magic and turn the bird back into a person, except that instead of Montaron, it turns out to be an assassin who kills him, essentially meaning that after all that trouble, they just ended up falling back on the tried and tested routine of sneaking up on him and stabbing him.
What. The. Fuck.
It’s no wonder the Harpers never actually get anything worthwhile done in this game with schemes like that. This is to plotting as Rube Goldberg machines are to engineering.
“Guys, we need to make a grocery run. Here’s what we’re gonna do. You go and plant some gold on one of the peasants around here. Then, lure him out into a dark alleyway in the docks so that the Shadow Thieves mug him and take the gold. Then, we infiltrate the Shadow Thieves guild, posing as one of the big wigs, and order the thief that stole the gold we gave to the peasant to go and pick up the groceries we need. Then, we just need to get one of our agents to break in, steal the groceries and bring them back. It’s foolproof!”
Just the thought that Jaheira actually associates with these people makes me sick.
Before we can embark on this helter-skelter of stupidity, though, the Harpers want us to go to someone’s house and kill everything inside before they’ll let us in the building.
Sounds fair to me. MURDERIN’ TIME.