Baldur's Gate: The Zero Reload Saga

We’re outside, and Brus very kindly takes us straight to the edge of the district, saving us a ten-second walk. What would I do without you, kid?

As always at this point, Jaheira immediately starts kvetching, demanding to know what our plan of action is and telling Vespero that he sounds like he was dropped or kicked as a child. Well, screw you, you insensitive harpy. Maybe he was. Maybe that’s exactly what happened to him, and is the reason for him being such a sociopathic loon despite being utterly convinced that he is Lawful Good. Did you ever think about that? Of course not. You’re far too busy concealing your exuberance over the convenient demise of your whipping boy.

We agree to try and be pleasant to each other, though Vespero secretly resolves to put fire ants in her bedroll as soon as he can find some.

To tbe Bridge district, whereupon Lieutenant Aegisfield informs us that there is a disgustingly sick person running around town. Vespero, of course, assumes that this man is on to him and immediately reaches for his katana to silence him.

He then remembers that he forgot how to use his katana and probably doesn’t stand much of a chance with his barely-adequate knowledge of how to handle a quarterstaff, so he lets it drop. For now. But this pig will get his, oh yes he will.

Conveniently, we can accomplish two of our objectives here. Not only is this where we can pick up a Potion of Genius, but the thief we need to catch for Galoomp is lurking only a few yards away. We go up to talk to him, and he immediately blurts out a confession without having to be subjected to even mild coercion.

Easy, perhaps, but not much fun.

We determine through dialogue that this thief, whose name is Kram, is extremely ugly. He gives us a sob story about how daddy made him this way and he can’t make any friends because of how he looks so he stole scrolls of the "Friends" spell to make people like him and blah blah blah.

There are numerous ways to solve this one, probably the most “rewarding” of which is giving him the Ring of Human Influence so that he, too, can pretend to be good at talking to people. Take it off for a second...yep, Vespero's natural charisma is still 4. To hell with that.

Our other options include simply letting him go on his way, (optionally taking the scrolls he stole first) turning him in to the guards, or killing him.

Remember how I said that if it didn’t break any quests and I didn’t have to force-attack them, I’d kill anyone? Yeah. Bye, Kram.

In Vespero’s defence, it was the only way he was going to wring any XP out of this quest. Giving him the ring is the “proper” way to complete this one, but with Vespero’s charisma as low as it is, it simply wouldn't have been worth it. You don’t get *much* experience, just more than you would by doing it another way, (i.e. more than zero) and there are plenty of other places where we can boost our reputation.

Therefore, we’re just going to have to settle for the XP we get for sticking this meat sack, a measly 500. Aegisfield, who is standing well within range, very kindly decides to aid us in our apparent murder of an innocent halfling, taking potshots at him while Jaheira clubs him to death. Man, he really must have been ugly if a dedicated and upstanding member of the city watch was willing to help us kill him.

Incidentally, Kram’s last words are, “I’m just a soul of good intentions…Lords, please don’t let me be misunderstood.”

No joke.